This time last year, I had a suitcase spread out in my living room and a list that I carefully followed to help me pack it. I was headed to Mozambique and I had no idea what to expect. Our weight limit was fifty pounds and not an ounce over. A tent. Mosquito netting. A headlamp. Nail polish for the girls. Toothbrushes and new undies for the kids. Balloons. Beef jerky. An inflatible pillow. Starbucks coffee? (It was on the list) Malaria pills. Check. Check. Double check. Sometimes I think that if we viewed life a little differently, we'd be more careful how we pack for the journey. We'd check. Check. And double check.
Our adoption journey has been one that I haven't known how to pack for. There was no list given when we started. There's the list for the trip to the hospital, but that is not the trip that I am talking about. It's this heart-journey that I have not known how to pack for. I sometimes want to leave my heart at home, and other times, I check and realize it has already gone on ahead. It feels so vunlernable to know my heart is already fully given for someone I have not yet met. And I cannot get it back. Then there are the days when I look in my suitcase for an extra measure of faith, realizing I didn't know how much I'd need it. I wish someone would have told me I would need more than I believed. Maybe I would have packed much, much more.
Today I checked and realized that hope was needed. I lost track of it earlier this week and my heart was aching. Hope is a funny thing. Faith is the assurance of things hoped for...but when you lose hope it can really mess things up. "For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." (Romans 8:25) And that is the key. Hope is invisible! It's a little harder to keep track of because you just can't see it. Adoption is so like that. Waiting. For something. You don't know when. You don't know who. You don't know where. You feel pregnant. But you don't look it. There is no due date. It's invisible. It's a HOPE date. An invisible platform on which adoption sits.
WE WAIT FOR IT WITH PATIENCE. Patience. Check. Check. Double check. Patience.
